You know that moment when you send a text and then stare at your phone, waiting for those three little dots to appear?
Your heart races.
Your mind spins.
And suddenly, you’re analyzing every word you wrote, wondering if you said too much, too little, or the wrong thing entirely.
Sound painfully familiar?
The Approval Trap
It shows up in countless ways:
• Overthinking every text message
• Changing your opinions to match his
• Saying “yes” when you mean “no”
• Pretending to like things you don’t
• Walking on eggshells to avoid conflict
• Wondering if you’re “too much” or “not enough”
And the worst part?
You know you’re doing it.
You’re smart enough to see the pattern, but somehow, you can’t seem to stop.
The High Cost of Seeking Approval
This constant need for validation isn’t just exhausting – it’s actually sabotaging your chances at real love.
Think about your last relationship. How much energy did you spend:
• Reading into his every action?
• Trying to be “low maintenance”?
• Hiding your true feelings?
• Making yourself available 24/7?
• Putting his needs before yours?
It’s like being in an emotional prison of your own making. And the walls? They’re built from the fear of disapproval.
Why Smart Women Fall Into This Trap
Here’s the thing: If you’re nodding along to this, you’re probably successful in other areas of your life. You make decisions confidently at work. You know your worth in friendships.
So why does dating turn you into someone you barely recognize?
The answer might surprise you. That need for approval? It’s actually not about low self-esteem. In fact, it often shows up strongest in women who are highly accomplished.
The Hidden Pattern
Think of it like an invisible script running in the background of your relationships:
• He takes hours to respond → You must have said something wrong
• He seems distant → You need to try harder
• He pulls away → You must fix it immediately
But here’s what’s really happening: Every time you seek approval, you’re actually pushing authentic connection further away.
The Painful Cycle
It goes something like this:
- You meet someone new
- You start monitoring their every reaction
- You adjust your behavior to get positive responses
- You lose yourself in the process
- The relationship feels empty or falls apart
- Repeat
And each time it happens, it confirms your deepest fear: that you’re somehow not enough just as you are.
What Nobody Tells You
There’s a fascinating reason why this pattern keeps showing up in your love life. And it’s not what most dating experts would have you believe.
It’s not about:
• Having better boundaries
• Loving yourself more
• Playing hard to get
• Following dating rules
Those are just surface solutions that don’t address the real issue.
The Truth Behind The Pattern
The real reason your need for approval feels so overwhelming in relationships? It’s actually linked to something that happened long before you started dating – something that programmed your emotional responses in a very specific way.
And until you understand this programming, no amount of dating advice or self-help books will create lasting change.
Want to know what’s really driving your need for approval and how to finally break free?
Discover the surprising truth about your approval-seeking pattern
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. I’ve uncovered something unexpected about why brilliant, successful women often struggle the most with approval-seeking in relationships.
What I found challenges everything you might believe about why you do this.